What is Sexual Healing?

69figures Releasing genital armoring and regaining your capacity for pleasure. Almost everyone who's come of age in our sex negative culture needs loving guidance in adulthood in order to reach their full sexual potential. Genital armoring initially occurs when children are shamed or discouraged from touching their genitals, enjoying their bodies through masturbation and engaging in natural exploration with peers. It can also result from invasive medical interventions (i.e. abortion, hysterectomy, circumcision, or cesarean delivery) insensitive or unskilled partners, rough handling, overuse of vibrators, emotional trauma, and from unfulfilling lovemaking. The most dramatic and severe genital armoring is often a result of rape or child sexual abuse but ordinary people with no personal history of abuse can easily acquire enough armoring to drastically limit their sexual pleasure simply by being exposed to societys typical anti-sex messages. The concept of genital armoring is derived from Wilhelm Reichs theory of body armoring. Reich believed that the muscular tissue of the body responds to emotional as well as physical trauma by tensing up in a protective reflex. Over time, these tissues become chronically stiff and hard, blocking sensation and energy flow in the affected area. Armoring is an instinctive protective device whose purpose is to defend against experiencing physical or emotional pain. It is the bodily equivalent of psychological defense mechanisms such as denial, projection, or repression. It is mediated by constricting the breath and by muscular contraction, both of which reduce our capacity to experience pleasurable feelings and ultimately lead to disease. When body armoring occurs in the sex organs we call it genital armoring. Genital armoring in women can show up as decreased arousal, decreased clitoral or vaginal sensitivity, insufficient lubrication, hypersensitivity, absence of pleasurable sensation during intercourse, vaginismus, or painful intercourse. A healthy vagina is naturally soft, wet, elastic, and electrifyingly responsive to a desirable partner. It invites the penis to enter and enthusiastically enters into a dance of love. In men, armoring can cause the penis to become insensitive, resulting in a need for intense stimulation in order to maintain an erection or reach orgasm. Conversely, armoring can create over-sensitivity, premature ejaculation and a discomfort with being gently stroked. Armoring in men also manifests itself in the form of chronic tension in the anal sphincter muscles, involuntary erections, an attitude of sexual greed and the need for repeated genital stimulation. Men frequently have a lot of armoring in the heart area, as well, and are unable to experience pleasurable sensations from stimulation of their breasts and nipples. A healthy penis remains flexible and sensitive even when erect. It is able to transmit energy to the vagina and receive sexual pleasure both during vigorous intercourse and in a softer, resting mode. We hypothesize that reclaiming the genitals by releasing genital armoring will not only increase the capacity for pleasure but will, when combined with appropriate lifestyle changes, contribute to curing or preventing disorders of the uro-genital system such as chronic vaginitis, chronic cystitis, menstrual or menopausal dysfunction, ovarian and uterine cysts, cancer, and enlarged prostate. Utilizing sexual energy to revitalize, rejuvenate, and heal the body. Leading edge health care practitioners and researchers are discovering what taoist masters, tantric adepts, and shamanic healers have known for centuries: Sex is not only pleasurable, it is good for you! Sexual arousal activates the endocrine system which in turn contributes to cardiovascular health, enhances the immune system, elevates mood, and slows the aging process. Good sex can also improve your appearance, reduce stress, relieve pain, burn calories, and regulate the menstrual cycle. The basic concept involved in this aspect of sexual healing is that sickness and health are not the responsibility of medical experts, but rather come from within. By tapping into the innate wisdom and healing ability of the body via the breath and our sexual response, we create our own well being. The ancient taoists understood that health results from raising and balancing the energy or life force within the body. Energy loss or blockage results in disease, aging, and ultimately death. Generating higher levels of sexual energy provides a means of clearing blocked pathways and directing more energy where ever it is needed for healing. In other words, sexual energy, life force, and healing energy all come from the same source and can be transmuted into one another. The taoists determined that while sexual arousal can increase energy, excessive ejaculation depletes energy in men as does excessive menstrual flow in women. Sexual healing thus encompasses teaching men how to orgasm without ejaculating, thus allowing them to prolong intercourse, be less goal-oriented and self absorbed, and fully satisfy a woman. Leisurely, unhurried lovemaking not only energizes the body, but also contributes to happier, loving interactions between partners. Sexual healing is also about ending the war between men and women and learning to use our sexual energy effectively to nurture each other and experience a sense of unity with all of life. The wound between men and women runs deep in our collective consciousness and often seems rooted in the very cells of our bodies. Men and women often find themselves polarized into opposing positions especially when it comes to sex, emotional expression, communication, and matters of the heart. The core of these differences is sometimes expressed as "men want hot sex and women want romantic love," when the truth is that both men and women long for satisfying sex and sustainable love. In the past, there has been a tendency for men and women to regard each other as the enemy, and so, if they are heterosexual, to discover that "sleeping with the enemy" leads to conflicts and power struggles. Sexual healing in this context means finding ways to redirect the energy which is wasted in struggles over who is right and who is wrong, who is dominator and who is victim, who is to blame and who is wrongly accused, and instead support each other in solving the critical problems which face us all as we enter the 21st Century. For many generations, men and women have been socialized differently and shamed or punished for exhibiting traits deemed inappropriate for their gender. We believe that by socializing women to repress their sexual desires and socializing men to repress their emotions, we have created a situation in which people often find it difficult to meet their needs for nurturing and erotic satisfaction. When men and women are freed from culturally imposed stereotypes and reconnect the heart and the genitals, harmony is restored and abundance is available to all. Ancient traditions which honor the sacred union of male and female and recognize the importance of balancing the masculine and feminine elements within each of us, as well as in the external world, offer us a model for healing. Since our present culture has tended to elevate the masculine over the feminine, we find that most people approach sex and relationship from a male point of view. We seek to balance this by learning to honor the deep feminine in a way which is not merely a reaction to or mirror image of patriarchal customs, but comes from an entirely different way of being. In order to make whole systems healing available to whomever desires it, several core issues must be addressed. Competent practitioners who have the aptitude, training, motivation and maturity to offer these services must be identified and offered the opportunity to acquire additional necessary skills and knowledge. In essence, we are talking about the creation of a new vocation of sexual healing. Since this is a concept which has been unthinkable in a sex negative culture such as ours, many who have felt called to this work have found validation in the ancient archetype of the sacred prostitute. Until very recently, the concept of integrating the erotic into our healthcare system has been unthinkable. This separation has been gradually breaking down since the sixties with the renaissance of midwifery and more natural birthing procedures, the advent of prescription birth control devices, the introduction of sex therapy by Masters and Johnson, and the growing acceptance of sex surrogates in clinical practice. 69figures Given what we have previously discussed about the overlap between sexual energy and healing energy, and the basic identity of the life force energy and sexual energy, it seems obvious, at least to some of us, that trying to restore health when it is forbidden to utilize the sexual energy of either the patient or the health care practitioner is foolhardy. While facilitating birth, death, and every life aspect in between, including erotic ritual, were once the role of ancient priestess/healers, the splitting off of sex and spirit, not to mention body and mind, has led to a state in which realistic fears of exploitation and manipulation have enforced an official separation between health care delivery, spiritual counseling, and eroticism. Consequently, licensing requirements for every profession, without exception, prohibit sexual contact with clients. As a result, we must explore legitimate alternatives for providing sexual healing. A paradigm shift of the magnitude we are envisioning can best be accomplished by creating a self-sufficient erotic community in which new ways of being can be developed and nurtured in a protected environment and eventually shared with the world. Our next step is to secure a suitable physical location where 20 to 30 people can comfortably live together, free of other responsibilities, and share in an alchemical process which will serve to create a solid core group from which further growth can flourish. "Ecstasy is a feeling that comes only when the heart is tuned to that pitch of love which melts it, which makes it tender, which gives it gentleness, which makes it humble."  -Hazrat Inayat Khan, The Sufi Message by Dr. Deborah Taj Anapol, Ph.D. Sexual healing encompasses three broad, interrelated categories of work.

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Take It Off: Your Hair-Removal Guide

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Nicks, redness, stink, sting: These side effects have always made hair removal a necessary evil—emphasis on evil. But this season, good prevails: The latest advances are making the dreaded process not only easier, but even skin-friendly. "In the past, there was little thought placed on skin condition, and the main goal was just to remove hair," says Anne Chapas, M.D., director of Union Square Laser Dermatology and a clinical assistant professor of dermatology at NYU Medical Center. Read on to learn how to say sayonara to stubble and get softer, healthier skin at the same time.

The Technique: Shaving

The latest: New razors come with improved lubricating bars that help cut down on irritation (and shaving cream). The Venus & Olay Razor contains glycerin and petrolatum, a combo found in Olay's body lotions, which "helps condition the skin, so it'll look and feel better," says Baltimore dermatologist Noelle S. Sherber, M.D. And the Schick Hydro Silk razor, ($10, at drugstores), emits a seaweed-rich serum that "helps moisturize and provides anti-inflammatory effects."

Lasts for: One day—then pesky stubble appears

Best for: Legs—you can cover a lot of ground fast.

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Get it right: "Skin needs to be wet for seven minutes to soften the hair," says Boston dermatologist Ranella Hirsch, M.D. (Any longer and your skin might swell, making it harder to get a close shave, says Sherber.)

The Technique: Waxing

The latest: Honey waxes of the past weren't so sweet for your skin. They were hydrating but sticky—and, says Sherber, "the stickier the wax, the more it tugs on the skin, which leads to more irritation and pain." Hard, resin-based waxes are the smarter choice: "They wrap only the hair, rather than sticking to—and yanking off—your fragile skin. Plus, some have skin-calming lavender and azulene," says Cindy Barshop, owner of Completely Bare Spas in New York City and Dallas. Try Gigi Brazilian Body Hard Wax

Lasts for: Four to six weeks

Best for: Any area—especially the bikini line and underarms. "Puberty makes the hair in these areas grow in thick and coarse, which makes it more prone to ingrowns," says Sherber. When you pull out hair from the root—as opposed to shaving it off—it grows back straighter, slashing the risk that it will curl back in and form a bump.

Get it right: Ditch abrasive scrubs and acids (alpha hydroxy, lactic glycolic, and salicylic) one week before waxing. "If you don't, you risk tearing the skin, because these exfoliants can make skin more fragile," says Sherber. The ouch factor is higher just before your period too, so time your treatment midcycle or take two 220-milligram naproxen capsules an hour before waxing to decrease pain.

The Technique: Depilatories

The latest: Older depilatories tried (and failed) to mask the stench of the active ingredient, thioglycolate, with perfume-y notes. But new formulas are less offensive: "Special molecules are attached to the thioglycolate, making it so large that your nose can't detect it," says Jim Hammer, a cosmetic chemist. Try Sally Hansen Pure Scent-Sation Hair Remover Cream for Body;, which is also infused with the anti-inflammatories bisabolol, vitamin E, and aloe to help prevent redness.

Lasts for: Approximately three to five days

Best for: Bump-prone areas like the bikini line. "Razors leave sharp tips that can push back into the skin—depilatories don't," says Chapas.

Get it right: Look for ones containing calcium—not potassium—thioglycolate. Though it takes a bit longer to work, it's gentler on the skin, says Bernadette Devaney, a manager of skin-care research and development at Nair.

The Technique: Lasering

The latest: Though the procedure still isn't totally painless, most new machines nix a bit of the sting with a cooling spray that numbs the area. Also, says Chapas, "one like the Candela GentleLASE treats a large area at once and at a higher energy, so each appointment takes less time." (You'll still need around six treatments to see full results.)

Lasts for: Years, with maintenance appointments every 12 months

Best for: Any area, as long as you have dark body hair. "Lasers target only pigmented hair, so they won't work if yours is red or blonde," says Chapas. Unlike older models, some newer lasers can be safe for dark hair on any skin tone, but experts stress that they're still the most effective on those with lighter skin tones and dark hair.

Get it right: The results are cumulative, so stick with it: Get a treatment  once every four weeks and you'll see a 15 percent reduction in hair growth each time. You can boost the effects with Vaniqa, a prescription cream that slows hair growth. "It works great in conjunction with any hair-removal method, but research shows it's particularly effective when used with a laser," says Sherber.

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4 Things In Every Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life

4 Things In Every Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life





For approximately, oh, the entirety of civilization, we've been pretty bad at teaching people about sex. When you got The Talk from the middle-school woodshop teacher you bought cigarettes from, it probably mostly involved cautionary tales about his wicked case of super-herpes and very little about what people actually do in bed. All we've really got is porn, which is the absolute worst way to learn how to rub genitals together. Porn is a fantasy by necessity. Therefore, sometimes porn stars do things that are so far removed from reality that it actually takes me out of it and I can't even enjoy it anymore, kind of like the Wilhelm Scream in regular movies, but with just so much more dick.

And -- God help us all -- they've shown up on screen so often, people have started thinking those bizarre little porn tropes are what sex is. I beg of you, unless you have your partner's enthusiastic approval and cooperation, do not ever try ...

#4. Slapping Someone's Genitals

Let's get this out of the way -- slapping a penis or a vagina is not about BDSM. It's ridiculous that in 2015 I even have to say that there's nothing wrong with that between informed and consenting adults. What's weird is that this happens in totally non-BDSM scenarios, in the throes of regular, everyday passion. You see, kids, when a man and woman really love money, sometimes they'll be engaging in perfectly boring, average naked-time shenanigans on film when suddenly a vagina gets slapped. The woman squeals, the shenanigans resume, and that's how misconceptions are made.

When the young, male masturbaters that make up porn's target audience grow up and find themselves between the legs of an actual woman who isn't getting paid to react to sex with the excitement of hitting the Powerball, they'll often be under the impression that this is a thing most women enjoy, and the unsuspecting victim is going to end up very confused, because why? Why would you think that feels good? It doesn't even feel bad, particularly, but it's like you've just interrupted whatever presumably enjoyable activity you were just engaging in to poke me in the eye. Just, why would you do that?



"This sex yes?"

I'm positive that if you polled a representative sample of women, "I just love having my vagina manually assaulted" is not something you're going to hear often, though there are undoubtedly women who are into this. That's not saying much. Stand up, spin three times, and point at the first object you see -- there's someone who likes rubbing their crotch on that. (Hopefully not that specific one; you'll have to work that out with your roommate.) Just because you knew one woman who totally loved this doesn't mean you should spring it on someone unawares.

This is particularly common among those relatively inexperienced in the ways of sex -- something worked one time, so by God, you're sticking to it; it's all you've got. And don't confuse the absence of objection with enjoyment: You'd be surprised by the number of women willing to shrug off a little labia-spankin' in the spirit of not wanting to hold an awkward "sex ed. dos and don'ts" conversation when she's trying to get laid.

                                          "Oh, god. He's going to want to do that to me now ..."

But you'd also be surprised by the number of women who are perfectly willing to call a time-out to discuss exactly what the hell was going through your mind just now, like she's a head coach and you're the athlete who made a really stupid play. So don't assume she's into it and then proceed to pummel her puss. Just wait for the invite, then pummel.

#3. Spitting

In general, we could all stand to be a little less weird about bodily fluids. Unless you're equipped with a full-on American Horror Story gimp suit, you are going to get some of the more solvent parts of your partner on you; accept and embrace it. It's a natural part of sex. Spitting, as porn loves to feature, is unnatural, for two reasons.


You, the male spitter, from the female perspective.

One, if you think you're doing it for practical purposes, you should know that saliva is actually a really poor lubricant. You know how when you have chapped lips, you have to fight the urge to lick them, because you know it will just end up making them even drier? Think about that, but with a vagina. You can pause here if you have any apologies to make.

Two, it's legitimately repelling. When you spit in clothed situations, it's to show your disrespect for someone, or because you just put something gross in your mouth. Think about the implications you're making about your partner there. Unless you're doing some kind of racially charged police brutality roleplay, it's kind of insulting.

                                                          "Too real! TOO REAL!"

It's also lazy. Look, anal sex, for example, is a delicate operation, and if that's the care you're going to take with it, suffice it to say I'm having second thoughts about this whole thing. The first dude who spits in my butthole is getting donkey-kicked right off the bed, and I know dudes for whom spitting on their penises is an instant boner-killer. At least be hot about it? If you replace the lazy hocking with some long, slow licking, congratulations, you've actually now performed a sexual act.

Or just be a goddamn adult and buy some lube. It's chapstick for buttholes

#2. Positions That Are Used Only In Porn (For A Reason)

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Gentlemen, we're going to do an exercise. First, lay down on your back. Now put your knees over your ears. Good? Good. Now take a moment to contemplate what led you to this point in your life, where you're twisting yourself into a pretzel on the floor because you decided to play porno Monkey-See-Monkey-Do. All done? Now answer the following questions: How comfortable are you? Say, on a scale from one to "my hamstrings have detached themselves and run away"? How easy do you think it would be to get a boner right now? Try thinking about Christina Hendricks in a hot tub. Boobs just bobbing along on the water. Anything happening down there?

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Or, while you're there, learn to blow yourselves and leave us alone.

You have now experienced sex with a man who's watched too much porn. It's a sad fact of life that there's very little overlap between the positions that look the best on camera and the ones that are the most conducive to an actual dicking. The legs-behind-the-ears one is used because everything is visible, but considering that the goal here is to rub things together, its real-world utility is minimal at best. My office is my couch, OK? I am not that flexible. At worst, you're asking for a fart on the balls. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of unsexy organs you're squishing there.

The other most frequent offender is the one where you're going in from behind and riding high, so to speak, which is again a visibility thing. It's so that the cameraman can get that awesome "between the legs" shot. What's happening on the receiving end is that you're being literally fucked sideways. There's a reason that's a curse -- it feels like one, in the "evil sorcerer" sense of the word.

Now, regarding both of these positions, a little angling is a good thing. The key words there are "a little." So please, over-porned guys, you have to remember that if you want to give a woman a vaginal orgasm you want to stimulate the G-spot, not pretend it's a pirate and stab it with a cutlass.

#1. Ass-To-Anywhere

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Because I assume we're all adults here, I also assume we're all aware that Urban Dictionary is written by 12-year-olds and most of the horrifying sex acts defined there aren't actually part of any adult's sexual repertoire. Unfortunately, there are exceptions. I'm talking, of course, about the fabled "ass-to-mouth" -- that is, butt sex to blowjob.

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The mournful frown of ass-to-mouth.

Everyone with access to the Internet can confirm that ass-to-mouthing does happen, and it's because interrupting the scene to go clean yourself would be kind of a drag (or, if the actress has a really good contract, they are cutting, but you would never know). It just also happens to be a standout among your Dirty Sanchezes and Rusty Trombones in that it's legitimately deadly. You ever hear of E. coli, son? Does the phrase "bloody diarrhea" mean anything to you? How about "brain tapeworm"? Are you absolutely sure you want to risk brain tapeworms because your boyfriend, for some ungodly reason, thinks it's hot when you gobble his bacteria-slathered knob?

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"Tapeworm, you say? Hm. I could stand to lose a few brain pounds ..."

While we're on the subject of penises trying to pull off an Around The World, there's another hole that is, let's say, butthole adjacent, and if you're attacking from the rear, it's real easy to slip back and forth between the two and, by doing so, ruin her whole goddamn night. So it shouldn't be a surprise that if you stick a shitty dick in a vagina, the woman can get a nasty UTI. If the woman you're trying to double-dip with has ever experienced the pain of a UTI, you're legally not allowed to blame her for bowling you over on the way to the bathroom for an Everclear douche.

I'd like to think that most men are sympathetic enough not to want to give a woman a case of fire-piss, so I'm sorry, you're going to have to either take a suds break between holes or pick a flavor and stick with it. Being a mature, adult male sex-haver means learning that when you go for the ass, you put blinders on your dick and you commit to the ass

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